Never Alone
by Bm89
Summary: Tuckson one shot, by request. "...the last time she'd had to rush out of the precinct to tend to her son, she did so with the knowledge that whatever Noah was struggling with, she would have to navigate it on her own." Enjoy!


**A/N: Another request, this time for my beloved JennBenson. And funnily enough, she also gets a shoutout for helping me with it, too.**

 **This is set in the not-too-distant future; let's pretend Tuckson is cohabitating. I think we can all agree that life is better that way.**

 **Also, this is another one of those where I have to tell you I'm not a doctor and don't play one on TV. So if what little medical stuff I included is awful and/or inaccurate, please don't come after me with flaming pitchforks (or any other weaponry, flammable or otherwise). I thank you.**

 **These requests are fun – keep them coming :)**

 **##**

"Good morning, my love."

Olivia walked into Noah's bedroom to retrieve her son and get his day started; Ed was already working on pancakes in the kitchen.

Normally, Noah would immediately start chattering, reaching his arms up for his mom to pick him up. But this morning, she noticed, he was not his usual vibrant self. Instead, he was curled into a little ball on his mattress, hugging his legs into his chest.

She sat on the edge of his bed, running her fingers through his hair. "What's wrong, baby?"

It looked like it took effort, but Noah eventually wriggled his way into her lap, burrowing himself into her chest, and as she cradled his head against her, she noticed that he felt a little warm.

"Are you feeling bad?" She felt him nod pitifully against her. "Oh, sweet boy, I'm sorry."

As she stood, lifting him into her arms, Ed poked his head in the doorway. "Breakfast is ready," he announced. Then, seeing her face and Noah's significantly more subdued behavior, he stepped further in the room. "Everything okay?"

"Come over here," Olivia beckoned. "Does he feel warm to you?"

Ed pressed the back of his hand against Noah's forehead, cheek and neck as the boy blinked lazily, fingering the necklace that hung around Olivia's neck. "A little," Ed conceded.

Olivia kissed Noah's forehead softly as Ed went for the thermometer, and they stood quietly waiting for the device to beep where it was positioned in Noah's ear.

"Well?"

"101," Ed sighed. He ran his hand down Noah's back. "You got a fever, bud." He watched as Noah whimpered, sinking deeper into Olivia's comforting embrace. There was something healing about a mother's touch. "You hungry?"

Noah shook his head. And Olivia spoke softly to him. "Let's get you some medicine and see if you can eat something, okay, baby?"

##

As Olivia tried to coax Noah into eating a few bites of pancakes, Ed watched, leaned up against the counter. "Is today a daycare day? Or Lucy?"

"One more bite, sweet Noah," Olivia plied, before sparing Ed a backwards glance. "Lucy. She should be here any minute."

As if on cue, they heard the key in the lock and a couple of soft knocks as she announced her presence before walking in. "Good morning!"

"Hey, Lucy," Olivia sighed. "We've got a sick little one on our hands this morning," she smiled sadly.

"Oh, no!"

"Yeah… he's got a fever. I already gave him some Tylenol and tried to get him to eat a little bit, but…"

"I'll keep an eye on him, see if I can get him to eat some more in a little while."

Olivia walked toward the front of the apartment, clipping on her glock and sliding her badge onto her belt as she looked longingly at her son. "I hate to leave him when he's feeling like this…."

"We'll be fine, Liv," Lucy assured her. "Anything changes, you'll be my first call."

"He'll be okay," Ed chimed in, his hand squeezing Olivia's hip affectionately as he sidled up next to her.

Olivia walked up to Noah, rubbing his head lovingly before gently kissing him. "Mommy loves you, sweet boy."

##

At the precinct, Olivia found it difficult to concentrate on the case they were working, constantly wondering how Noah was doing, if he was feeling better, whether he'd eaten.

She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed heavily as she walked a lap around the conference table in the media area.

"Hey, Lieu?"

She looked up and wearily turned toward her detective. "Yes, Carisi?"

"Everything alright? You seem…antsy." She softened at the look of concern on his face.

"Yeah, sorry," she said, shaking her head before smiling sadly. "Noah was running a fever this morning, so I'm a little distracted, trying not to worry about him, but…" she shrugged as she drifted off, but Carisi nodded his understanding.

"A mother never stops worrying," he said, perching against the conference table. "You know, my mother always used to say having kids was like having your heart be independent of your body."

Olivia smiled, touched. "She's right," she said simply, before taking a cleansing breath. "Alright, guys. Let's get back to it…" She stopped in front of the corkboard, crossing her arms over her chest as she tried to focus on the headshot and crime scene photos in front of her. "Have we confirmed the brother's alibi?"

Rollins stood up to join her, nodding. "Airtight, but—" She stopped when Olivia's phone rang from her back pocket.

"Sorry, just give me a sec," Olivia requested, fishing her phone out of her pocket. She took a shuddering breath to steel herself when she saw that it was Lucy calling. "Benson."

"Liv." Hearing the panic in Lucy's voice, Olivia felt her heart skip a beat, a pit of dread drifting down and settling in her stomach.

 _Anything changes, you'll be my first call._

"Lucy. Is everything okay? What's going on?" She tried her best not to sound frantic, knowing that wasn't going to help Lucy stay calm on the other end of the phone, and she didn't want to alarm Noah.

"I just checked his temperature again," Lucy stammered. "His fever's a little higher - almost 103 now." Olivia rubbed her forehead, her eyes drifting shut; vaguely aware of but ignoring the concerned looks she was getting from her squad as she paced the media room. _Sweet Noah_. "I'm getting worried, Liv."

"Okay. It's going to be okay." She didn't know if she was trying harder to convince Lucy or herself, but regardless, she mimed to her detectives that she was leaving, and determinedly changed direction to her office to grab her bag. "I'm on my way home right now, Lucy. Don't move," she instructed.

"Okay." She could hear the relief in Lucy's voice at this directive and then felt a pang of guilt when she heard Noah's soft cries in the background.

"Lucy…" she took a deep breath, shutting her office door and taking off at a light jog across the squad room toward the elevators. "Tell him I love him? And that mommy's on her way home?"

"Of course, Liv," Lucy promised. "We'll see you soon."

As soon as her call with Lucy ended, she pressed the button that would dial Ed's number, feeling a small but not insignificant measure of comfort at the fact that the last time she'd had to rush out of the precinct to tend to her son, she did so with the knowledge that whatever Noah was struggling with, she would have to navigate it on her own.

She swallowed back tears as it rang once, twice, before he answered. "Hey."

Hearing Ed's voice come through on the other end of the phone, she almost lost her battle against the onslaught of tears she was holding at bay. His presence, even just as a reassuring voice in her ear, served to further remind her that this time, she wasn't alone.

"Ed." She only said his name at first. Just the one syllable. But he sat up straighter in his chair, his heart rate climbing at the distress could hear in her voice. "Lucy just called me. Noah."

He was out of his chair in a millisecond, yanking his suit jacket off the hook on the back of his office door as he barreled out of the room. "I'll meet you at the apartment?" It almost seemed an innocuous question, but there was another hidden between his words, betrayed only by his inflection, since his voice never wavered. It couldn't. He had to stay strong for her.

 _How bad is this, really?_

"Yeah," she choked out.

"Liv," he said softly. "He's going to be okay." She didn't respond, but he could hear her sniffling on the other end of the phone. "I'll be there as quick as I can."

"Okay." She cleared her throat, collecting herself for the drive home. "Me too."

##

Long minutes later, Olivia rushed into the apartment, dropping her things by the front door before making a beeline to where Noah sat cradled against Lucy on the couch. The sight of him broke her heart. He was wrapped up in his Star Wars blanket, but she could see a light sheen of sweat on his forehead, and it looked like his teeth were chattering from chills.

"Hi, my love," she whispered, gently pulling him from Lucy's arms and into her own. As Noah adjusted himself in her grasp, she lifted the hand that wasn't cradling him and pressed it to his forehead. "Oh, you're burning up…"

"I put a wet towel on the back of his neck to try to cool him down a little," Lucy offered, watching Olivia comfort Noah with a small, helpless smile. "And I, uh, tried to get him to eat some crackers, but he couldn't keep them down. The pancakes didn't last long…" she added worriedly, gently stroking his hair as he nestled into his mother's embrace.

Olivia nodded her acknowledgement; sparing Lucy a grateful smile before letting her eyes drift shut and holding Noah to her. "My sweet boy," she cooed. Noah buried his face in her neck and she could feel the heat radiating off of his skin. "Daddy's going to be here soon and then we're going to get you better, okay?"

The three of them sat there waiting on Ed, Olivia rhythmically running her hand up and down Noah's back and whispering a mantra of daddy's coming and I'm sorry - one of those for Noah, and the other more for herself. She needed Ed; his strength held her up when hers crumbled beneath her, and as she ran through worst-case scenarios through her head of what this might be, she felt like she was going to need a lot of his strength to get through this.

Finally, the front door opened again revealing a winded Ed, having taken the stairs two at a time, who quickly made his way into the living room. He crouched down in front of Olivia and Noah. "Hey, bud," he rasped, rubbing Noah's leg over the blanket. "How ya feeling?" Noah whimpered and cuddled deeper into Olivia.

Ed looked at her, and when she turned her gaze to him, he wasn't surprised at all to see the worry clouding her deep brown eyes. "He's not eating, fever was just under 103 when Lucy took his temperature last," she reported, resting her cheek on Noah's head. Ed felt his heart sink. "We need to get him to the ER, Ed."

"Should I call for an ambulance?" Lucy asked timidly, wringing her hands. She wanted to be helpful, but was at a loss for what she could do at this point.

Ed shook his head, helping Olivia off the couch as he stood. "No, we'll take him in my car, Lucy. I'll do lights and sirens. It'll be faster," he rationalized. He spared a quick glance at the sitter who had become more like family to them, to Noah. "But thank you."

As Lucy nodded her acknowledgement, Olivia found herself comforted by the steadiness in Ed's voice, the conviction of his words.

Lucy followed them to the door. "I'll stay here," she offered. "Keep me posted, okay?" She kissed the back of the Noah's head. "I hope you feel better, little guy."

"Thank you, Lucy," Olivia said as they walked into the hallway. "We'll call."

##

In the car, Olivia sat in the back seat, keeping Noah cradled tightly against her as she rubbed his back in an attempt to provide him some comfort. She buried her face in his hair as she whispered calmly to him. She could feel his eyelashes against her skin as he blinked, so she knew he was awake, but he was largely silent.

Buildings whizzed by the window as Ed weaved his way through traffic, driving fast and maybe a little reckless in his mission to get Noah to the ER as quickly as possible. Seeing the fear and worry in Olivia's eyes was a catalyst, making his foot push a little bit harder on the accelerator almost unconsciously.

Halfway to the hospital, Noah said the first words she'd heard from him since the morning. "I ride in p'lice car?"

Despite her best efforts to keep her emotions under control, she felt herself tear up at his question. Her sweet boy had been nothing like himself all day, wrapped up in whatever illness this was, but…he was still in there somewhere.

"Yes, baby, you're in a police car." She nuzzled his face, pressing her lips to his still too-warm forehead. "Daddy's driving like McQueen to get you to the doctor so we can make you better." She tried to mask the myriad of emotions in her voice, knowing how perceptive kids could be and not wanting to scare him on top of everything else he was feeling.

"Ma-kween go fast," he mumbled. If he was well, she thought, he would love this adventure, begging to control to lights, asking to stick his head out the window like a dog.

"Yes, he does, baby boy." Olivia met Ed's eyes in the rearview mirror, and when he mouthed _almost there_ to her, she nodded gratefully.

##

"Well, it looks like the little guy has appendicitis," the doctor said, looking at Noah sympathetically as he hiccupped against Olivia's chest.

The road to diagnosis had not been a fun one for the toddler. And while Olivia had been relieved when the ER nurse took his temperature and it hadn't climbed since the last time, when the doctor had come later and kneaded his stomach in search of tender spots, Noah let out a wail that shattered both Ed's and Olivia's hearts when she hit the side of his lower abdomen.

Olivia had had to grit her teeth to fight tears when Noah wrestled against the doctor to try to crawl back into her loving embrace.

The doctor hung the ultrasound wand on the hook against the machine and wheeled it out of the way so she could face Ed and Olivia with less obstruction.

"So what happens now?" Olivia heard Ed's voice over her shoulder and silently thanked him for the millionth time since the morning for being…him, and supporting her. She leaned back into him, nudging him slightly and she breathed out a little when she felt his answering squeeze to her hip.

His presence was steadying. And even if she didn't have the wherewithal to ask the right questions at the right times, her focus clouded by her worry, she knew he was there to cover, to fill in where she might fall apart.

"He'll need surgery to remove the appendix," the doctor replied gently. "Sooner rather than later — the longer we leave it in there, it may burst…"

"How invasive is that procedure?" Olivia sat on the edge of the exam bed and carefully pulled Noah into her lap, resting her cheek against the top of his head.

"We're able to do most of them laparoscopically." The doctor looked between Ed and Olivia evenly. "Just a couple of incisions."

"Would he have to be under anesthesia?" Olivia asked, her tone worried. She glanced back at Ed; not for confirmation or validation, but simply just to remind herself that he was there. "He has asthma. His pediatrician mentioned that could be, uh, challenging with anesthesia."

"He will," the doctor confirmed. "We'll need to make sure he's as calm as possible when we put him under, to minimize any complications and ensure his airway remains completely clear." Seeing the worry increase exponentially on both parents' faces, she continued. "That's something that we'll monitor very closely during the procedure."

Helplessly, Olivia looked to Ed, hating that there was an inherent risk to Noah going under anesthesia being an asthmatic, but also knowing his appendix needed to be removed before it caused her sweet boy any more pain or made the situation worse internally.

"I assure you, Ms. Benson, Mr. Tucker," the doctor emphasized, making direct eye contact with each of them, "Noah will be in good hands. This is a routine procedure."

Olivia nodded imperceptibly, simultaneously leaning back into Ed and nuzzling Noah, finding it hard to be comforted by the doctor's assurances and seeking solace in the proximity of her two favorite boys.

##

They had explained, as gently as they could, that the doctors were going to take him and help him to get better, but when it came time for the nurses to wheel him to the OR, Noah whimpered, reaching his arms out for Olivia, fear in his eyes. " _Mommy_ ," he cried.

He was scared, and not being able to go with him, to hold his hand through the whole thing, was killing her. Her baby was having surgery.

 _Surgery_.

Olivia stepped forward, grasping his hands in hers and bringing them to her lips for a kiss before she leaned down and kissed his forehead. "I know, baby. But the doctors are going to take good care of you, okay? Don't be scared."

She tried to back away, to let them take him, but he tightened his grip on her hands. "Want you to come wiff me," he pouted.

She held tight to his hands with one of hers, lifting the other to stroke his cheek. "I can't, sweet boy. But I'll be right out here," she promised. "And I'll be in there with you as soon as they tell me it's okay."

Ed stepped closer to the bed beside her and she felt a weight lift off of her with the heat of his touch on the small of her back. "You'll be okay, bud," he assured the toddler. "We'll be right here." Noah calmed slightly and she felt his grip relax on her hand at Ed's words. "You are so brave and so strong, kiddo."

One of the nurses wheeling Noah's bed looked between the trio with a patient smile. "Ready?"

"Yeah, I think so," Olivia whispered, leaning down to give Noah one more kiss. "We love you, baby."

Ed patted his leg as he and Olivia backed away, allowing the nurses room to maneuver. "We'll see you soon…"

Noah seemed to hold it together briefly and she held her breath, hoping he would be okay, but as the gurney rolled away, she heard him call out for her again, a tiny hand jutting out from where he lay in the center of the bed.

Olivia had to fight her natural instincts to run after him, and she felt Ed's grip on her waist tighten subconsciously as he anticipated her reflexive response.

She wanted to do everything she could to shelter Noah, protect him from pain, because everything he felt, so did she – _tenfold_ , it seemed. But it was out of her hands now; _he_ was out of her hands now, and she didn't want to imagine going through this without Ed's strengthening presence beside her.

Up to this point, Olivia thought she held her emotions together relatively well, trying to stay strong for Noah so he couldn't pick up on her worry. But the second he was wheeled away, hearing his continued cries for her, the façade came down and she all but collapsed her weight into Ed.

Internally, she was berating herself, overcome with guilt that Noah had been suffering with this all day long. What if it had gone longer? If Lucy hadn't called when she did? What if his appendix had burst before she thought the situation was bad enough to warrant medical attention?

"I should never have left him this morning," she scolded herself.

Ed kissed her forehead, rubbing circles on her back, comforting her the same way she comforted Noah. When he spoke, his voice was calm, resolute in her ear. "You had no way of knowing what this was, Liv. None of us could have," he reasoned. "He wasn't that sick this morning."

"He suffered because I went to work."

The dejection he heard in her voice broke his heart and he eyed her warily sash stared down the hall where Noah's gurney had disappeared from view. "This is not your fault," he reminded her.

Her face scrunched up and she, again, lost the battle against her tears. Her little boy. Barely three and he'd already seen the inside of the hospital so much - _too much_. "I just want him to be okay," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion.

"Hey," Ed said gruffly. He squeezed her upper arm to get her attention. When she finally turned to him, he saw that her eyes were red, puffy from all the crying she'd done. "He's gonna be just fine." Olivia wrapped an arm around his waist and let him guide them over to the waiting room to sit down. "You hungry? Thirsty?"

She gave him a small smile, pecking his lips before asking for some water. "I'm gonna call Lucy," she sighed, "let her know what's going on and that she can head home."

He nodded, standing. "Okay, I'll be right back." He leaned down to kiss the top of her head, inhaling the scent of coconut from her hair as he pulled away and turned toward the hallway to search for the snack machines.

"Ed?"

He turned toward her at the sound of his name. "Yeah? Need something else?"

Olivia shook her head no, looking at him for a few long seconds before she spoke again. "I… _thank you_ ," she shrugged. "I know it probably doesn't seem like it," she released a self-deprecating chuckle as she ran her fingers through her hair, "but, I breathe a lot easier in these situations…when you're with me."

"I'm always gonna be with you, Liv," he told her matter-of-factly; tilting his head and watching her absorb his words. When she nodded, smiling slightly with a different kind of tears - the good kind - pooling in her eyes, he repeated, softer, "I'll be right back."

Hands in his pockets, Ed stood in front of the vending machine, his eyes transfixed on a bag of chips as he tried to get the sound of Noah's desperate cries from playing on a loop in his head. His heart broke, not only for the hurt that Noah was enduring, but also for the helplessness he knew Olivia was feeling. Noah was an extension of Olivia to him, and as a result, an extension of himself. Their pain was his pain.

He bent down to retrieve the bottle of water he'd purchased and shook his head. He couldn't lose himself in the pain they were all feeling, couldn't buckle underneath it.

He was determined to be stronger, for her. To be the shoulder he knew she needed, so she could be strong for Noah in turn.

##

The procedure went off without a hitch.

As a nurse walked them back to Noah's recovery room, she explained that he was still out from the anesthesia and probably would be for at least another hour, but they were more than welcome to sit with him so there would be familiar faces in the room when he woke up.

She explained that the anesthetic was probably going to make him groggy and confused, on top of waking up in a strange place, so not to be alarmed if he wasn't very responsive.

As they crossed the threshold into Noah's room, the sight before them struck Olivia. Never had her son looked so small, his body dwarfed by the size of the bed he was currently sleeping in. She tamped down the flashbacks threatening to overtake her mind, of having to look in on him through glass, unable to touch him, hold him.

This was different. But just like last time, he was going to be okay.

Ed pulled two chairs next to the bed and motioned for Olivia to take the one closest to Noah. Before she sat, she leaned down, palming the top of his head and rubbing her thumb along his hairline. Immediately, she noticed the change in his temperature and breathed another sigh of relief before sitting down, holding his hand lightly in hers and leaning against Ed while they waited.

Just as they had been warned, Noah woke up disoriented, and the combination of the pain and confusion made for a nearly inconsolable toddler.

Seeing his mom helped quiet his cries initially, as did feeling her gentle caresses and hearing her whispered words of love, but Noah was uncomfortable; unaccustomed to this room, the bright lights, the pain, the bandage and incisions that meant that finding a comfortable position was hard. On top of all that, he couldn't properly articulate the way he wanted to, and Olivia could tell he was frustrated. He couldn't focus his attention on the exhaustion he undoubtedly felt long enough to let everything else become secondary and fall asleep.

Out of ideas and tired of leaning over the edge of the mattress, Olivia scooted his body over and carefully climbed in the bed beside him. Without hesitation, he shifted into her, tucking his face into her neck like he had earlier, and her heart swelled with affection for him. She needed this closeness nearly as much, if not more, than he did.

Ed moved his chair around so he could see their faces, and he took one of Noah's small hands in his, rubbing his palm as Olivia ran her fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp and humming softly to lull him to sleep.

Before long, the humming stopped, and Ed looked up to see both Noah and Olivia were fast asleep.

##

Blearily, Olivia blinked her eyes open, trying to shift into a more comfortable position but meeting unexpected resistance behind her. She looked down and smiled, noticing Ed's arm wrapped securely around her waist as he spooned her, the three of them now making a somewhat tight fit in Noah's hospital bed.

When she moved her head, errant strands of her hair tickled his face, and she heard his breathing change as he came out of his own slumber.

"Well, hello there," she teased softly, looking down at a sleeping Noah but talking to Ed.

He propped himself up on an elbow and rested his chin on her upper arm, glancing at her, noting that some of the worry had left her eyes, before looking down at Noah. "He okay?"

"Seems to be," she deduced, lightly running the back of her hand over his cheeks. He shifted slightly in her embrace and she froze before he seemed to settle again, smacking his lips sleepily.

They watched him quietly, and when his eyelids opened a while later, Olivia smiled down at him. "There he is, my sweet boy."

"How ya feelin', kiddo?"

"Tummy hurts," he mumbled, shifting his head on the pillow.

Olivia lowered her lips to his forehead. "I know, baby. It's gonna be a little sore. We had to get the bad stuff out of you that was making you feel sick."

Noah fidgeted, and they watched as his gaze got clearer, the fog of exhaustion from the events of the last day weighing on him a little less.

"You in my bed," he observed, his brow furrowed in confusion.

Ed chuckled, reaching over to pinch the toddler's nose between the knuckles of his thumb and forefinger. "You made it look so comfy, we thought we'd give it a try, too."

"Go home, soon?"

Olivia's heart clenched. It would be a couple of days before they released him. "Yes, baby. You have to get a little better first, but then we'll go home."

"Maybe when we go home," Ed began, a playful lilt to his voice, "we can have some ice cream to celebrate."

Olivia tilted her head back to eye him, a small smile on her face. "I thought ice cream was for tonsillectomies?"

Ed looked at her incredulously. "Ice cream is the magic cure for a lot of things," he said, winking at Noah. "Right, bud?"

"Right," Noah agreed sleepily, his eyes already starting to drift shut again. "We hafta get ice creams, mommy. It make Noah feel good."

Ed grinned at her triumphantly from where his chin was perched on her arm, still the big spoon to their little ones in the single bed. "See? I told you he'd be alright," Ed whispered. "Kid's a fighter. Just like his mom."

Olivia shifted carefully so she could see him better, her eyes dancing across his face, from his eyes down to his lips and back up again. "I'm so glad you were here with me for this."

He shook his head almost imperceptibly, returning her gaze.

"There's nowhere else I would've been, Liv."

##

 **A/N: I would like to take this opportunity, inappropriate though it may be, to thank the Gods for the return of the Side Part. That is all.**

 **Review?**


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